The Little Red Hen 2.0

Who will help me dump out all the produce from the refrigerator onto the floor? asked the little red hen one sunny day.

"Not I," said the Mommy. 

Then I shall do it myself, said the little red hen.

Who will help me throw some puzzle pieces into the toilet, flush the toilet 9 times, and then unspool the toilet paper just for hoots?

"Not I," said the Mommy.

Then I shall do it myself, clucked the little red hen.

Who will help me toss all of my macaroni, and then when I get down from my high chair, who will help me pick it all up and eat it to see if it tastes better off of the floor?

"Not I," said the Mommy.

Then I shall do it myself, replied the hen.

Who will help me take all of my diapers out of the diaper stacker, carefully inspect each one, and then incidentally, NOT put them back, but rather sprinkle them all over the bedroom?

"Not I," said the Mommy.

Then I shall do it myself, huffed the LRH.

Who will help me take all of the rocks from the rock bed and throw them onto the grass?

"Ain't nobody got time for that," said the Mommy.

Then I shall chuck them myself, said the LRH.

Who will help me pick up all these messes, make dinner, wash the dishes, take a bath, read a story, put on my pajamas, and go to bed?

(Using her best reverse psychology) "I will!" said the Mommy.

Ohhhhh, no!! Not so fast, said the little red hen.

You did not help me clean out the produce drawers, test the toilet, discard the bad macaroni, reorganize the diapers, OR redecorate the back yard. 

So then I shall do it all myself, proclaimed the little red hen.

"Ah shucks," said the Mommy.  "So it is.  You win again, little red hen.  You win again."

And the little red hen got to work. 

And the Mommy got her glass of wine. 


The Moral of the Story: 
Let's ask ourselves, do we really even need one?

DVR, Oprah, and my own Life Class

You get DVR, you get DVR, EVERYONE gets DVR!!!!!!!

Yes, we finally upgraded our TV capabilities and have joined the rest of the world with the ability to record.

I was slow to realize what a handy little tool this was.  My schedule is not conducive to watching TV that I am interested in.  This is because for my day job, I work for a toddler and the "boss" is quite particular about what is broadcasted in our home.  I find that Barney, Bert, and Bob the Builder have invaded my living room more than I'm comfortable with.  But!  When one door closes...you know the saying. 

Now we are able to record things WE want to watch, and have personalized entertainment waiting for us for after the little guy goes to bed.

But in a few short weeks, the recording has gotten a little bit out of hand.  Sometimes, I get bit power drunk with that little red button.  I end up recording shows just because I can, and figure I'll find a way to squeeze in more viewing in between dish and laundry loads, justifying it with "because I can fast forward through commercials."

Enter: Oprah Winfrey Network.  Channel 279.   

I love Oprah.  Or as my husband's grandmother referred to her--Winifred Opry.  I have been sucked in to many a "Oprah's Next Chapter" or "Where Are They Now?"  and I am in awe of this woman's ability to host a show that gets me laughing, crying, and checking the clock to be sure that I did in fact just blink and an hour was gone.

The queen of talk has recently aired her interview with Lindsay Lohan.  Now I know what you're thinking.  Because we all have some sort of reaction when we hear her name.

But when I started the recording, it accidentally played the very last clip of the show first.

So then I went back and watched it from the beginning.  But I have to admit.  When I read this sentence out of context, I drew automatic conclusions.  I figured Oprah had been generous enough to reach out to the troubled Lindsay and had maybe offered her access to some peaceful retreat in Europe.  Cause, you know, it's OPRAH.  Girl has connections.  And I just assumed that Lindsay had messed up yet another chance to accept someone's help and missed an opportunity at working toward healing herself. 

I was dead wrong. 

I watched the entire interview sort of in a trance.  Per usual, Oprah wowed me with her ability to speak with her guest, unique circumstances and all, and be a catalyst for meaningful discussion while drawing the viewer in.  And after watching the whole thing, I got chills when I realized the actual implications of the last sentence which I had seen first. 

At the end of the interview, we learn that after being out of rehab for just a few days, Lindsay had booked a trip to Europe to relax.  Oprah wanted to send Lindsay a message in the form of a warning, that maybe going to the "pleasure capital of the world" was not in her best interests considering all of the progress she felt she had made.  Oprah compared it to her own addiction with food.  She explained that likewise, it wouldn't be a good idea for her to visit a potato chip factory.  *This made me laugh.* 

After Oprah's plea, there was a long pause, a stoic look of understanding, and Lindsay told Oprah she would seriously consider her advice.  

Lindsay has been in rehab 6 times.  I have watched her on TV being ridiculed.  I saw her awkward appearance with David Letterman.  I have seen her on the news walking in and out of the courtroom, pleading with judges.  I never took her seriously. 

Until this interview. 

I agreed with Oprah when she told Lindsay how talented she believed her to be.  I would love to see her turn her life around and continue her acting career, which is what she said has always made her the happiest. 

I'm not usually a celebrity cheerleader, but I am rooting for Lindsay too.  I truly believe that it is NEVER too late to stop destructive behavior.  And I think she has the capability to transcend the naysayers and put her life and her happiness back on track.

Yes, she has had a lot of chances.  Yes, she has deeply hurt those she loves.  But I will hope and pray that her family will be willing to stand up with her, support her, and help her find the strength she needs to continue to heal and move forward.  The energy and understanding needed to provide this can be overwhelming and incredibly taxing.  But it is much better than the unrelenting grief of a loss if it ever became too late.

Determination and knowing oneself is a powerful combination.  I really hope Lindsay prevails and silences her critics. 

She has always had people who believe in her.  But now she believes in herself. 

And that was worth recording, for the record. 

The Mystery in a Masterpiece

Little girl in your daughter's dance class. 
Brown eyes and angelic face. 
A confidence that upstages your darling.
A prodigy in lace. 
Sure she's cute, perfect smile,
her poise should be a crime. 
But does the instructor have to choose her to lead
every single time?

Young boy in a crowded arena
leaning forward on the cracked seat back.
In front of him, his idols glide,
he's hypnotized by the hungry pack.
Back and forth, ice shavings fly,
The thrill, the scores, the flight.
A future star athlete's dreams
any second will ignite.

The child who makes up stories.
The one who draws funny faces.
The kid who steals his lunch money
from the kid with the freckles and braces.
The child who cries at surprises.
The one who stutters when speaking.
The girl who quietly writes in her diary,
and the curious boy who's peaking.

A future president, a doctor
A world renown chef, a lawyer
A CEO, an artist
A business owner and employer.
No one knew as unproven novices
the champions they'd grow up to be.
But no matter how small or great their roles,
would we have treated them differently?

When nurturing our beloved children,
great minds are being inspired.
Small hopes become big dreams,
so may your patience never grow tired.
For you're swiftly creating the future--
what they'll attempt, how they'll believe.
Listen, awaken, and years from now,
we'll all live what they achieve.

-Karen Rinella 2013

The Back Page #9: Mama's Updated Resume

 

• To the inventor of the 30-second button on the microwave, that was brilliant.  Now can you start working on a device that allows you to wipe something *usually liquid* off of your own back when there's no one around to help except the one who's responsible for it being there? 

• So I just wanted to let the folks over at Bounty paper towels know that--the quicker, thicker picker-upper...is ME.

• What's this I hear some folks are afraid of their own shadow?  This perplexes me, as I could never be afraid of something that made me look slender so effortlessly.  My shadow wins the gold medal of honor. 

• We ran into the 3 little pigs.  Apparently, they have vacated their brick home, did a short-tail sale, and are now residing in a house made of Budweiser.  They were so chill, guzzling down cerveza, and it seemed as though they didn't have a care in the world of make believe.  Quoted the eldest pig: "The wolf inspired us to change the title of the story.  It's now called Pork: It's sure as hell NOT What's for Dinner."

• "One size fits all" is a broken promise.  "One size fits most" is a lofty challenge.  Neither are to be trusted unless it's a tent or a handkerchief. 

• "Pincer Grasp," said the Pediatrician.  "It's how we refer to their ability to pick up small objects with their thumb and index finger, and it's a skill you want to make sure he's developing."  Oh, thank you Doctor.  But Jackie must have misunderstood you.  He thought you said "Pinch Her."  And he's perfected it quite well at it actually.
  

• It used to be, when I heard the word blowout, I was looking for a major sale or thought someone was referring to a huge team victory.  Now? Well, you just don't even want to know.

• The other day, a mom tried to give me fifty cents as her portion of the $1.00 kiddie ride at the mall.  We had just started the wheels in motion when she came running up, looked at me with Desperado eyes, and asked if her son could ride too.  I thanked her for the offering, but didn't accept her money.  Cause folks, I think we just took carousel carpooling to the next level.   

• If you live in the desert, you wish summer would never come.  If you live in an igloo, you wish birthday cakes didn't have candles.  And if you live in a jail cell, you wish Paula Deen would get hired on as head chef.  Girl needs a job, right?         

• My 1 year old is obviously operating under the motto: "If nothing ever got smashed, then we wouldn't have applesauce."

• Newborn babies are like bacon.  They smell delicious, they go great with anything, but it's always better when someone else cleans up the mess.

• While home the other night,  just me and the little guy, the doorbell rang and a pizza delivery driver had a piping hot one, and was handing it over to me.  I said to him, "Oh, you must have the wrong house, we didn't order a pizza."  And I promise you, there is no one who regrets this decision more than I.

• I was asked to help out a friend with her resume.  And it got me thinking.  Maybe I should tidy mine up a bit.  After brainstorming for what seemed like an hour but was actually only a solid 3 minutes, I came up with a brief but noteworthy list of proficiencies that were just plain missing from my present document. 
  
• Employable Skills
• Musical Awareness: Convincing even the smartest of babies that sleep is a fun activity.  Pillows and blankets and naps, OH MY! 
• Budget Preservation: Re-using maternity clothes in order to avoid dangerous retail overindulgence.  Stretchy is my bestie.
• Teamwork Building: Generating positive feelings (measured by baby applause) in the workplace.  "If we both share these Cheez-its, then we'll feel better about ourselves." 
• Positions Held:
• Household Chore Task-Force Coordinator (2012-present)
• Dean of Bed Time Schedule (and will be so until 2030)
• Proficient in 5-Second Rule Violation Matters (Code 5SRV)
• Funny Face Generator (putting children's amusement before my own skin preservation)

I'd better go fax an updated copy of this to Human Resources... Because, how did I let all these qualities go unwritten?     

Birthday Boy

Your love is like a melody
that rings sweetly in my ear,

Each note I know by memory
a song I love to hear,

The familiar tune, the heartfelt words
I could hum them all day long,

You've always been, you'll always be
my love and favorite song.

Happy Birthday to my husband,
my best friend,
my singing soul mate,
and my rock of ages.

I love you, Philly.
Love, Karen

August 9, 2013

 

 

 

Jackson's First Haircut

We held out as long as we could.  But it's really dang habanero hot here in Arizona.  Like scorching fry an egg on the sidewalk hot. So Jackie got his first hair cut.  And he loves it!  Even though he's looking less like a little baby and more like a bigger baby, we all think it's pretty cute. 

His sweet little curls.  I hope they grow back!

Outtakes