The Back Page #12: Christmas Edition

• It's easy to let the extra joy and merriment of the holidays lead you to strike up casual chitchat with strangers.  But be careful--it can backfire.  Like asking someone if the sweater they're wearing is for an Ugly Sweater Party tonight.  Cause when they say "no," this is the moment you run away.

• Sleigh bells ring are you listenin', can't feel my toes, are they frost-bitten?  We went to see lights, but it's freezing tonight, cussin' in a winter wonderland.

• It's too bad someone didn't just explain the concept of layaway to this well-known felon.  He could have saved himself the permanent record, and had it all paid it off by Easter.  

   

• My grocery store list has a whole new category this month: "Things I Can Spike With Booze."

• NEW RULE: I before E, except after C, and breath mints before mistletoe as in "ho ho HO, my goodness, did you have garlic soup with onion toast for dinner?"   

• Product/Gift Review: The Diaper Wipe Warmer.  When winter weather makes you shiver, here's a great gift for the great gift-giver!  No more cold wipes and wiggling for you, it's sure to keep them comfortable for #1 or #2! 



• The winter Olympics always have me wishing I could ice skate.  Cause, what better way to break both my arms than in tan fish nets and sparkly briefs? 

• Mary: (to Joseph)  Oh holy NIGHT, this barn smells putrid!  Where are the Glade Plug-ins we bought?  And one more thing--I don't intend to spend one more sleep on this hay pile.  We're going to Bed Bath and Beyond right after dinner.  This Stable Collection we've been using is over 2000 years old, and Jesus wants some manger sheets with a higher thread count.

• I have received no less than than half a dozen catalogs in the mail with samples & instructions on how to pick out and order Christmas greeting cards.  So I did what any budget-wise shopper would do.  I cut each one out, signed our names, and sent them to family and friends.  Do you think anyone will notice?

• Tree topper choice: angel or star?  What do you use?  Is it the same thing you had on your family tree growing up?  Let's weigh in on this important decision.  One, a potential weapon equipped with 5 sharp points, the other--a foreboding figure moving in creepy slow motion and staring at you all night while casting eerie shadows on the ceiling.  Take your pick.

 

• If you were not satisfied with your service today, please take a moment and fill out the brief survey at the bottom of your receipt.  And by the time you've finished inputting the 147-digit number, you'll forget all about your experience anyway!  Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la!

• Dear Everyone who gives a care on Christmas Eve, It really is all about the milk and cookies.  So please don't forget.  And also, how's about the real marshmallows in my hot chocolate this time?  The dehydrated ones from the cereal box just ain't cuttin' it.  Love, Santa

May your days be merry and bright! 

Kayleigh, 13
Jackson, 18 months



This is my Christmas Spirit face.