The Back Page #11: What's the Word?

• If carrot cake and zucchini bread count as vegetable servings, then yes!  I'm all done for the day.

• When you try and do stuff too close up, often times you'll make irreparable mistakes.  Like using a 10x mirror to pluck your eyebrows and then having to color them back on with a Crayola washable marker.  My advice?  Stand back a little farther from the mirror when critiquing yourself.  Cause, it's not as bad as you think.  Really.

• "Time makes you bolder, children get older.  I'm getting older too."  Man, lyrics don't lie.

• Dear "Geez," I'm very sorry.  My whole life I thought your middle name was Louise.  My bad.

• I am so happy to let you in on a great tip.  You know when you put on a black shirt AFTER you've applied your deodorant and you're left with white streaks even though you KNOW you bought clear invisible solid?  Baby wipes.  They get it out better than anything!  You're welcome.

• Answer me this: If like, 98% of our country can agree on the whole Santa Claus plan, how come we can't just agree on a health plan?  C'mon, America.  Let's get it right for our kids.

• I was recently contacted by amazon.com.  It seems they were concerned after viewing my order history.  They thought someone (16 month old with a credit card?) had hacked in to my account because my cart failed to check out anything other than plush, singalong cds, or board books in the last 12 months.

• I've seen commercials for that BB cream on tv.  And now I noticed they came out with the CC version.  I think I'll just wait for the ZZ batch.  Hopefully by then, they got it right.  I'm gonna need the whole alphabet for my face.

• I pulled over when I saw a woman struggling on the edge of the sidewalk.  She had to have been in her late 60s, early 70s, and she was carrying two large grocery bags while sporting a sequin visor and pink polyester pants with the heavy crease down the front (If Halloween hadn't already passed, I would promise you that this was Maxine from Shoebox Greetings dressed for a throw down).  I asked her if she needed a ride or some help with the load.  I looked down at her bags and did a double take.  Wine, vodka, and two bottles of Scotch.  Alright, Maxine!!  She assured me that her ride (Frank in a souped up golf cart) was just across the parking lot, but thanked me anyway.  Guys, you should know that I then spotted Frank.  Frank couldn't have been a day over 45.  I'm thinking maybe it was her son.  But if not...well then, Maxine, cheers to you, girl!

• I will send you off on a happy weekend with a little recap of the words Jackson can say.