The Back Page #16: The Cheese Stands Alone

• Whoever coined the phrase "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer" forgot to mention anything about the proximity of your wine glass.  Because keep that extra close, folks.

• Dr. Scholl, do you have any plans on designing a gel insert for slippers?  Cause let's face it, the high heels have retired and the gym shoes put themselves in a garage sale last year.

• The Farmer in the Dell is a nice little tune.  But I do disagree with the ending.  "The cheese stands alone?"  No.  No it doesn't.  It stands with me.  And we're making nachos.  Hi-ho the dairy-o.

• When you go to the store with your 2 year old, it's basically like playing Truth or Dare.  Like, truthfully, no--we don't really NEED to buy donuts.  But I don't dare you to take them out of his hands and put them back on the shelf.  There's definite flaw in that logic.

• Why is the word abbreviation so long?  

• I sometimes wish I had my own personal jester.  Oh wait, I DO have a jester.  "Jester minute, I can't wipe the booger off your hand until I'm finished going potty!" 

• I was informed by a random mom onlooker that allowing my toddler to use a binkie would be damaging to his future oral health.  I just leaned over to her, thanked her for her concern, and explained to her that I was pretty sure orthodontia is cheaper than psychiatry.