How to Lose at the Grocery Store in 10 Days

Today, as I was at the grocery store for the 63rd Wednesday in a row, an idea happened.  DING! 

Maybe I need to devise some sort of mathematical formula to cut down on the number of trips.

In my small defense, the store is just around the corner so it's not like I'm being frivolous.  But it just feels like my current structure is in need of a major overhaul.  There are too many unsolved variables, and I have no idea how to reduce this problem to lowest terms.

Here's a 2 day look at the current failing system.

Monday

• Get a list together.
• Lose that list.  Oops.
• Make another list, inadvertently omitting several items from original list.  Thank you, expired brain cells.
• Accidentally throw 2nd version into trash with extraneous litter such as old lists and expired coupons.
• Forgettabout damn list.  Get in the car and head to store with toddler.  We're going to wing it.
• Get to the store.  Feel satisfied for getting him buckled in without being bitten or delivered an upper cut, so then high five myself and start rolling.  Head over to produce.  Grab anything that looks good and throw it in cart.
• Keep head down and circle the perimeter of the store, stopping only for essentials like milk, bread, and Pepperidge Farm seasonal cookies.  Quickly glance at the nutritional label.  Then tell myself I'll only have one per sitting.  High five, the first sitting starts right now. 
• Pay for items including torn open and half demolished cookie bag and exit the store.

 

Tuesday

• Realizing I forgot several essentials like paste of both the tooth and butt variety, head back to the store with these forgotten items inserted in a song to the tune of the Brady Bunch all the way to the store in order to brand them into my memory.
• Get delayed in the frozen foods aisle while trying to rationalize that waffle fries can arguably be served for all 3 meals of the day.  Put fries in cart.  Watch them get heaved out of cart and onto the floor about 8 feet away, nearly taking out an elderly Deli employee on her way back from break.  Apologize to Geraldine.  Put bags back in the cart, only this time on the "lower deck" of the cart, where dog food and cases of beer normally hang out.  Wipe brow.    
• Grab the pastes and head for the checkout lane.  Where toddler sees helium balloons, tempting tantrum-inducing Halloween displays, and I see myself losing every one of my marbles right then and there. 
• While paying, suddenly remember that I also forgot the eggs needed for tonight's dinner, as well as the chicken, but hey--I have frozen waffle fries so things are looking better already.
• Start thinking about how I can incorporate grilled cheese and cereal into tonight's dinner. 
• Mentally start making another list. 

And so, in a similar downward spiraling flow, each day brings another trip to the store where duplicate items are senselessly stockpiled while things we need don't get purchased. 

To sum up, I'm more of a cracker/cookie cruncher than a number one.  But if any math wizards out there would like to offer suggestions or help solve for "x," I'm all ears.  Even though I may not have a Number 2 pencil on hand, I am still surprisingly good at making circles anyway. 

And also, lists!