The Back Page (1st Edition)

The back page of the church bulletin.  Does anybody really read it?  Well, that was always my favorite part to read on the car ride home.  After a long sermon, many "amens," and lots of kneeling, one can appreciate the brevity of this page.  The only things you find there are pictures, advertisements, and little blurbs. 

 

Welcome to my life.  One endless series of little blurbs.  Thoughts are born, live a very short life, and then pass on to a better place.  And thanks be to God.   

 

And so here is the back page of my bulletin for today.   

• When I was little, I used to have trouble with that whole "who's your hero?" question.  I didn't know it took becoming a mom to figure that all out.  He lives in a pineapple under the sea.  (He makes my baby smile and that's good enough for me.)

• The best way to get orange and yellow stains out of a white shirt is to throw it away.  Gone.

• I really love my husband's original musical composition entitled "I'll Never Wear Skinny Jeans."  We're still waiting to hear back from the producers of Glee.  I'm sure those cute kids would nail that in a performance.

• I'm okay with wearing black pants.  Every day.  For the rest of my life.

• Never feed your baby peaches right before you have to go to a funeral.  You're just gonna have to trust me on this one.

• It's great that babies love repetition.  We have one Baby Einstein dvd.  It has taken 346 trips down the River of Viewing Dreams.  Jackie watches each one like it's the maiden voyage.

• I've heard of people losing track of their keys.  Or a recipe.  I'm pretty sure I've lost track of my social life and the last 8 months.  Now where did they go?

• If I could choose one Disney character to come and live with us, right now it's a tie between Cinderella (before her days of servitude "magically" ended)--I could really use your help over here, honey.  And the Sorcerer's Apprentice--although he may be a little under skilled and has a tendency to bite off way more than he can chew, I see the potential there and I like the way this mouse thinks. 

• I think we officially have the right to be late to anything we want for like the next 4 years.

 

• When making a decision on which new couch will look best in your living room, make sure you picture the grape popcicle, cheeto smudges, and regurgitated milk on it.  Does it match?  If so, pack that puppy up!

• You know what's so cool about those little odor neutralizers that go in the diaper pail to keep it from smelling bad?  Nothing.  They don't work.  And neither do suction cups.

• You should have seen the look on that grocery store bagger's face when after he asked me if I'd like help to my car, I responded, "yes, please, and then could you also hop in, come back to my place, put everything away, make us some root beer floats, and then play with my baby while I go take a nap?"