Valentine, Be Mine

The frenzy of flowers, the candy comas, and the little paper keepsakes containing messages that warm our hearts.  Yes, the polarizing holiday is upon us.  Basically, everyone's feelings about this heavily marketed holiday fall somewhere on the spectrum between this,

and this.

But don't worry.  No matter what your preferences are, there is an evening mix tape out there for you.


     "I Just Called to Say I Love You"
     "You're The One That I Want"                                                  
     "Just You and I"



OR

               "Love Stinks"
               "What's Love Got To Do With It?"
               "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"

 

Personally, I love hearts, the color red, the feeling of being in love, and everything associated with Valentine's Day.  And did I mention chocolate?  Cause I love that too.  Damn taste buds are such deviant little devils.  So I guess that makes me a proponent of the Hallmark-endorsed, lovey dovey, I brought you flowers AND chocolate day.  Was that a hint?  NO!!!!!!!!!!

And I am extra happy because I have another sweet man in my life now.  Don't worry, Phil--you are still my #1, the love of my life, and my funny valentine, but now I have a little cupid too!  TWO men on Valentine's Day!  And they both steal my heart! 

Dear Phil,
Since Jackie was born, you've gone out of your way to make life as easy as you can for me.  You fill up the gas tank in my car every Monday morning.  You always do thoughtful things like going to the store for whatever we need, even at 3:00 am.  And you keep me smiling each day with your loving charm and sense of humor.  Thanks for being my Valentine.  I love you.

However you do the math, may your Valentine's Day add up to lots of love, 

plenty of kisses,

and hopefully nothing from this woman.  Although I'm digging the headband over mushroom cut look she has going on.

Seriously, have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

THE LAST LAUGH One day Jesus and Moses were on the golf course and decide to have a contest over who can make the most outstanding shot. So, Moses goes first. He settles up for the shot and hammers it straight for the green. Unfortunately, the ball falls into a water hazard. Undaunted, Moses raises his arms to the sky, and the water parts where the ball dropped in. The ball rolls out of the water and onto dry land, only a foot away from the hole. Jesus looks at Moses and says, "Hey, Moses, that was a pretty good shot. Now let me see what I can do." So Jesus settles up for his shot and sends the ball screaming toward the green. Unfortunately, Jesus has the same luck as Moses did. The ball heads straight for the water hazard. Jesus holds out one hand and, instead of dropping into the water, the ball bounces on top of it and rolls onto dry land only three inches from the hole. Moses says, "Wow, that was an incredible shot!" No sooner has Moses said this, than the skies grow dark. The wind starts to pick up, lightning and thunder crackle through the sky. Suddenly, a ball falls from the heavens into the same water hazard where Jesus and Moses hit theirs. A fish swims up and swallows the ball. An eagle swoops down, grabs the fish in his talons, and heads for the now darkened sky. Lightning strikes the eagle, and he drops the fish onto the green. The fish opens his mouth, the ball rolls out, and drops into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says, "Man! I hate it when your dad plays!" Sources: http://memegenerator.net http://notquitecarrie.com http://archive.feedblitz.com http://cupcakeclipart.com http://sofeminine.co.uk http://en.wikipedia.org http://jokesaboutgolf.com