Pull up a chair. Can we talk for a second?
If I knew the answers to these questions, I would write an unconventional but very practical rule guide for wondering moms.
I'm always going to be a wondering mom. Simply because the ratio of things I don't know to things I do is, like, 1 to google-gajillionty.
1. Can boys wear leggings? I mean, it's starting to warm up here. Shorts can creep up the leg and get stuck in thigh fat folds. What do boys wear to combat this?
2. At what point do I start really honing in on the word "no?" I've been refraining because I'm hoping to avoid that being Jackie's first word. Along with sh*$, da*#, and what the bleep. (Ok I'll just tell you now, his first word was "venti.")
3. Is it in their DNA that boys are more susceptible to wild boar-like behavior such as scratching, hair pulling, BITING, and face clobbering? I have the wounds to prove I've been on a battleground over here.
4. All of the extra small stuffed animals that must multiply in your house at night because you started off with 4 and now have 63 of them. Is there a halfway house or shelter out there somewhere for these kinds of pets?
5. Once they discover everything the good Lord gave them down there, is it pretty much from now to forever that he's going to be kinda obsessed with it? Is it normal for him to want to tug and squeeze so much? Is it ever considered too curious, even for George?
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| My outfits are either form-fitting or else I'm naked. |
6. Has anyone (besides me) ever thought about getting some sort of waterproof putty and shellacking the entire bathtub with it? I have a mini heart attack every night come scrub-a-dub time ever since Jackie discovered that he can spring up onto his feet and do a sweep of the perimeter, pulling all objects into the water in about 4 seconds flat.
7. Did you make all sorts of promises to yourself about what kind of parent you'd be, what you would and would never do, etc., only to throw every single one of those hoop-lolly notions out the window and just say yes to Cheeto puffs and cartoons during breakfast?
8. Is he going to remember all of my bad habits (frequent swearing, not cooking enough meals from scratch, and failing to return shopping carts to their designated location) and then, when he can talk, judge me for all of it?
9. Will someone please come to my house and take away the pair of very stretchy and extremely comfy maternity jeans so that I stop wearing them, excusing it because at least they're jeans, not yoga pants? Just hurry. #Ineedhelp #Imserious
10. I think this behavior comes from my side of the family.
Bucky here is collecting some new chompers. And I'm collecting his drool. We work well together.
Hahahaha. Excellent questions.
ReplyDeleteAs the mom of a 13 year old son, I can confidently answer YES to #5. They are forever obsessed with it. I'd have to answer a big YES to #7, too (and so would every other honest mom in the world!!)
Such a great post!! So funny!! --Lisa
Oh, good! I was hoping to get my hands on some moms with experience in the boy department! I grew up with LOTS of girls and this whole boy thing has got me scratching my head. Thanks for the reassurance!!
Delete1. Yes. I put Fletcher in comfy pants for forever.
ReplyDelete2. Now. It will be his first word no matter what.
3. Yes.
4. Yes. It's called Goodwill.
5. Totally normal. He will be obsessed from this point on. (Please refer to your husband, or any grown man for that matter)
6. Nope, never thought of that! Good one.
7. Absolutely.
8. Yes.
9. No. You can only help those who want to help themselves ;)
10. This is not a question. But yes.
Thanks Mama! Some of this is new territory for me, fo sho!
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