Shark Tank, Here I Come

 

Shark Tank.  I am a fan.  I just love watching the creativity and stories of invention unfold.  Some entrepreneurs have awesome ideas, while others leave me with one raised eyebrow.  Either way, this is one entertaining hour that I can commit myself to because,

a) it doesn't come on til 8:00 and
b) it comes on Friday nights so I'm usually (alright, always) free. 
(Wednesday and Thursday belong to American Idol, Monday we practice wrestling moves, we try on temporary tattoos on Tuesday, and on Saturday, Phil and I take turns quizzing each other on our Chipotle orders so that we always know what the other one wants in a pinch.  Is that love?  I think so.) 

 

Ok, so sharks.  We pop popcorn, get snuggled in, and get ready to watch eager hopefuls as their dreams and aspirations are either publicly loved or loathed.  After having ingested 2 seasons of shark bait, I think I know what these hot shots are after.  Are you ready for my idea?  Ok.

You know how you can go to any of the big box stores and buy a "bed in a bag?"  Perfect for the shopper who is either short on time, doesn't know how to accessorize, or just hates shopping, this handy plastic zipper bag is equipped with everything you need to be comfy and stylin' in the sack.  Available in all sizes. 

Well, folks, I'm not one to reinvent the wheel over here.  Let me introduce to you...

BABY IN A BAG
Depending on your specific needs and desires, these all-inclusive kits come with your perfect baby, plus all the necessary accouterments.  

• For the work at home mommy, the bag comes with a baby-sized calculator, Blackberry, data inputting rattle, and Starbucks sippy cup.  
• For the wanderlust thrill-seeking type, another bag features compass goggles, an invisibility cape, and a flame retardant velcro bodysuit specially designed for mom or dad to wear, equipped with rock wall climbing steps and handles for baby. 
• For traveling enthusiasts, your BIAB contains road map diapers, a passport blankie that gets stamped every time you visit a new zip code, and a new state-of-the-art technology: Rosetta Stone for baby babble (now you can finally translate goo-goo-ga-ga-beeba-da.)

 We specialize in custom orders. Your BIAB is unique and designed just for you!

Due to the highly unpredictable nature of the contents of BABY IN A BAG, there is no returns department.  Sorry, it's a tight budget around here.  But if you're not completely satisfied with our product, we will send you a free k-cup tower, which can also be used as a monkey merry-go-round.

Due to time constraints and chronic brain blockage brought on by 9 month old teething babies, there is no back-up plan in place. But I have checked with some trusted sources (my Magic 8 Ball and my last fortune cookie) and both have assured me that the chances of BIAB failing are..."not likely." 

Another satisfied customer

Phone operators are standing by, and they are ready to take your order today. 

I wonder how you disconnect this thing.  I can't even figure out call-waiting.

Hurry, before this deal crawls away!