The Back Page #3: Ashes to Ashes, and lots of Dust

• I'm considering opening our house up as a museum where each room is a different exhibit.  I'm just having a hard time deciding on a name between The Museum of Dust and Debacle, The Land of Buttpaste and Boogie Wipes, or "Little Shit Shop of Horrors."

• Jackie is catching on.  And he has a revenge plan.  For every time I put a q-tip to his nose or a syringe to his mouth, he pulls out a strand of my hair.  It's tit for tat here.

   

• Hello...Fantasy Land?  I was wondering if the Lullaby League is free tonight?  And also Alice from the Brady Bunch for tomorrow morning.  If so, I'd like to book both of them please.  Yes, I'll hold.

• Just like in chess, sometimes the first moves you make can determine the entire outcome of the game.  Incidentally, that's also how babies get here.

• During a recent debate about the most unhealthy habits, a friend insisted it was drinking and swearing.  I said it had to be smoking and tanning.  Turns out we were both wrong.  It's Toddlers and Tiaras. 

• I used to throw caution to the wind.  Now I'm leader of the mobile Snack Parade and throw Cap'n Crunch and string cheese into the back seat.

• I've got the next big video game app.  It's called "Angry Dolls."  They are angry because, as a precaution, I cut all their fuzzy troll hair off.  Clearly, that was a mistake.     

• I currently don't wear earrings due to my son Jackie Chan and his Kung Fu grip.  Accessorizing is not my strong suit either.  Unless shampoo, conditioner, or a kitchen towel stylishly draped over my shoulder are considered accessories.

• Sharing and repeating are skills little ones learn from a tender young age.  I will share so many things with you, my dear sweet Jackie.  But these.  These are Mama's french fries.  Now, let's repeat that together. 

• When your child asks you what she should do with that half an hour of free time just before dinner, practice the keyboard or silently read, I sincerely hope you know what your answer is.

• I can picture myself starring in a future film: "Don't Tell the babysitter Mom's Dead."

• If caterpillars change to butterflies and tadpoles change to frogs, why can't I change a simple smoke detector battery?

• Yeah, I know Mother Goose.  Isn't she grey and lives in a bottle? 

• You know you have been reciting too many nursery rhymes when the podiatrist asks you which toes are hurting the most, and you answer back "the piggy who stayed home and the one who ate the roast beef."

• You might find that seemingly everyone will fit into one of these 3 categories.

 

• Nothing ruins that peaceful moment of pulling into the driveway when your baby has fallen fast asleep like opening his car door and having the contents of a clown's toy box fall out onto the ground, setting off every sound effect known to man.  Nothing, my friends. 

And finally, things that happened this week...
1. Jackie got his second bottom tooth, started crawling, started clapping, started STANDING, so then got his crib lowered.  It's going fast and furious over here!
2. Kayleigh started Spring Break.
3. A certain sushi restaurant is missing 2 red napkins that will be returned once they are washed 3-4 times in hot water.